woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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