im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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