Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
