That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
