I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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