I didn't shave. On purpose
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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