they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
