I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
