I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
