he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
