I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
