the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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