I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well you can't waste a boner
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
