It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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