thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
