I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
