On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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