Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
