i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
