So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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