Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
