a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
