I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you never un-have a 4some
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
