grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
