"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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