Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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