just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
