I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is Oprah even human
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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