Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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