That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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