If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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