why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
