My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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