JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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