: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
