I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
me + whiskey = a bad person
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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