the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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