Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
