Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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