Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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