She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
