And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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