I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
