Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
