Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
