ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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