Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
