I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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