I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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