I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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