FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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